This is an anonymous comment I recieved on one of my posts - Killing Osama .
To reciprocate/spread the pain among other humans caused to oneself is the most natural thing to do for someone who's brain primarily works on animal instincts. it takes a certain level of maturity and understanding of human nature to absorb the pain and anger and still be willing to forgive. it is only because of this nature that human species has survived this long. you write big things but fail to understand the core Highly disappointed and shattered.
I appreciate the sentiments and admire the thoughtfulness. However here's my pov - @Anon : Thanks for the analysis. I must admit that the post displays more savagery and raw emotions towards the end and certainly unmindful and wrong thoughts, but just one question - what kind of forgiveness do you expect and to what end ? I would love to be naive enough to believe that forgiveness might actually bring about a change of heart, but sadly I am not. So yes I advocate not killing Osama, but I think some deeds can neither be forgiven nor forgotten.
And I fell, quite literally I mean, not that I'm a klutz, which let me assure you..I AM NOT. But that's not the point here, the point is - I fell, on the road, while I was listening to my favorite song on my iPod (which unlike me didn't take the fall that sportingly and refuses to work now). Why did I fell? Well the Indica just stopped right infront of me (on the offside, just who stops their car right infront of you without even honking, which by the way they love doing in Bangalore - assholes!). Anyways ummm..the car stopped and ummm... she.. got out.
Yeah! yeah! I know pretty cliched, who am I kidding, pretty lame actually. Its just that she had those eyes. eyes you know you'll lose your way in, but you aren't afraid to take the plunge because they make you feel at home at the same time. Eyes that make you forget everything and just make you feel happy just that..happy. I can't call them the most beautiful or anything like that for it really would be an insult. you just can't compare them. She just had those eyes and the most mesmerizing smile as she looked at me...
FUCK..!!! SHE SAW ME..!!!!
CHAPTER 2 - Silence
Hah..!! today too..she didn't show up. Its been the same for the past two weeks. I have been trying to get glimpse of her. It was 5.45 pm when I last saw her. For the past two weeks I have been waiting for her, here, at the exact spot I fell. I come at around 5.15 a.m and leave well after 6.30 (what all I had to do to leave office early, is yet another story, don't even get me started.) Well she hasn't showed up. I know I am probably admitting to being a stalker here, but I just wanted to see her again, just once. I didn't really want to stalk her, but the more I tried to stop myself the longer I'd find myself waiting for her. So, I gave in, I stopped fighting myself. I liked her and no good can be achieved by denying this. Ah! cliché again but I don't really want to say it. It really makes me sound...moronic.
Leaving that aside, I think it's really absurd, all this talk about -"When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” It's nothing but empty words. Futile fabrications just to make a person feel good.
"Oye Launde !! I am here. Did you register even one word I said?"
"No", I mumbled.
"What or rather who are you looking for ?"
"Nobody in particular", I mumbled again over a sip of tea (was I this obvious!!). The person asking all these questions is my flatmate, by the way. Usually I feign interest in his blabbering, but today I was just not up for it. So he continued chattering and I continued scanning the opposite pavement for any sign of her. I had been pulled into returning with my flatmate which, given the current circumstances, I truly wanted to avoid. But something – something happened and, here I was drinking tea at ‘Sri Chaitanya Sagar’, a good fifty yards ahead of my regular spot (this doesn’t sound right, at all). I sighed as I tried to phase the unending barrage of words out of my head and focus on my task. It was time and she could show up any second now.
(5 min to, 3 min to, 1 ,0, 3 min past, 6 min past, 10 min, 15 min..) Hah…!!. Better luck tomorrow. A faint smile appeared on my lips and I laughed at myself when I contemplated on my last thoughts. What was I even thinking or hoping for?
“What are you laughing at?”
“Nothing in particular”
“Oye! Enough with your ‘nothings’. Just say if you don’t like her. No need to laugh.”
“ I what? Like who?”
“Abey the girl I was showing you. On the opposite by lane. ”
“Give me the helmet, we are leaving and I am driving”.
“What you, no way. No way I am letting you drive my new bike.”
“Gimme a break already. I know how to drive and it’s important or else you know I’d never ask.”
“What’s so important, that you, of all people, are ready to drive a motorcycle?”
Not slow on the intake, is he? Now of all times. Anyways he was right. I am mortally afraid of driving any geared vehicle and given the circumstances, my behavior was suspicious.
For once, he let me. I put on the helmet so that there isn’t the slightest chance of me getting noticed as I come out of the shop. Now all that remained was time. I had to get there fast and that involved a u-turn and a traffic signal and given that this is Bangalore, it’s not such an easy task. It would take me at least 15 min. The longest 15 minutes ever.
So here I was driving/riding/pushing/pulling – Ah ! whatever you wanna call it the bike, all the time praying fervently to Him – this one time, this one time, please!!
P.S. - This is turning out longer than I anticipated. I am enjoying jotting it down, hope you enjoy reading it.
This is my first attempt at story telling, please drop your suggestions to help me improve.
Okay, so I tried it and you know what, it sucks. Reverse Psychology sucks big time. What is supposed to suck will suck no matter how hard you try to convince yourself of all its positivities. I am feeling particularly low and uninspired right now :(