I can feel your scent permeating the air, As crisp as the petrichor in desert air.
You think I do not catch, the silent tear that surfaces, On your blackened face, the line it traces. Its the apathy in the sympathy in your eyes, I look at transfixed; as my consciousness ebbs away, Etched in my existence forever, For I realise, I was the inconsequential play . They drive a stake through my heart, Ending an ever extending agony, Finally; mercy on their part?
And then just maybe, beyond the bend, I'll see you, Just maybe I'll say Hello and you smile,
A smile as mesmerizing with my eyes open as closed.
Maybe we will talk,
As we walk,
Together , while we figure out where it is this leads.
We will tell our stories, our pains, our sorrows,
Braving the rain, merry at the sunshine, dreaming of the rainbow, 'morrow. For a moment our fates entwine in the fabric of time,
Weaving a pattern both beautiful and sublime.
There it is the fork, where we part ways.
Your and mine: our no more stays.
And then if I ask - "Will you walk with me?"
Your's, mine, our's; any; as long as you stay with me.
Forever and always
Will you walk with me?
When I am all alone, That is when it hurts the most, That is when I allow myself to think of you. When I am all alone. When I am all alone, That is when I spin dreams, Dreams of you and me, Your fingers entwined in mine, Sitting at a bench in the park, Your head on my shoulders, The gentle breeze blowing away strands of hair, slowly, quietly, Almost hesitant to disturb the serenity of your face, When I am all alone. When I am all alone, That is when I allow myself to think of your smile, When my eyes would open with the rising sun, With you in my arms and you would look up at me and smile. That was my sunshine, that smile. When I am all alone. When I am all alone, I remember our shared moments, Our banter, Our fights, our makeups and our life, Now I am in a limbo and they say I am alive. I go through the motions, I breathe, I eat, I sleep, I even talk and smile and they say I am alive.. When I am all alone, That is when it hurts the most, That is when I allow myself to think of you. But then without you, I am always alone...
At 16, Christian was a grown up man. He had to do what he had to do. At 16, Christian was gangly and excessively thin. Not uncommon in the Poland those days. There just wasn't enough food and he had to feed his three younger siblings. Christian cursed his parents for dying out on him and leaving him alone. He did not know how to survive this constant hunger, this disease, this constant bickering of his siblings. He did not know how to survive this war. It was cold. Christian was shivering. He only wore a thin shirt and a trench coat. He had given his only sweater to his youngest sister to keep her warm. Lucja was the apple of his eye. She had in return tried to mend his trench coat as best as she could but it still had holes. And the brutal freezing cold air rushed in through those holes. He felt the cold seep down to his bones. He pulled his trench coat closer. The sole of his shoes was torn. He had fashioned himself a makeshift sole out of his coat's pocket. If only he had some money but working as an errand boy for whoever would want him did not earn him enough. Sometimes it did not earn him anything at all. christian was fighting his own war every day of feeding four stomachs at least once every day and he was loosing this war. He was tired. He did not want to soldier on. He cursed his fate. Oh why was he born in this cursed country in these cursed times!! Oh why was he born at all? The only hope in Christian's life was Anne. She was his light. He had met Anne while delivering a sack of potatoes to Mrs. Stoppleman. He liked Mrs. Stoppleman. She was a kind lady and she would sometimes give him food even if he hadn't worked for her. He had tried to run multiple errands for Mrs. Stoppleman always secretly hoping to meet Anne, but he did not get to see her often. Once while he was cleaning the yard, he heard Mrs. Stoppleman shout out for Anne to hide as someone knocked on the door. Christian was befuddled. Why would Anne need to hide from whoever it was unless... Christian sank to the ground as the truth dawned on him. There was only one reason why someone would need to hide in Poland those days. Anne was a Jew. As the reality hit him, he was horrified. What was Mrs. Stoppleman doing hiding the Jews!! If any one in the gestapo ever got wind of it, they would kill all of them and their neighbours. Anyone who ever helped Mrs. Stoppleman would be killed. But how would the Gestapo come to know of this? Christian was afraid, but that moment he resolved that this secret would die with him. He loved Anne and he will do anything to protect her. This secret will go with him to his grave. It started snowing. Christian realized he was late. It was time for him to go home. He did not manage to get any food or money today too. Lucja was ill and she needed medicine and food badly. But how could he buy it when he had no money? He went home which was a sheet of tarpaulin spread atop the broken walls of a bombed house. As he reached home, he saw there was no fire. He cursed Frank, his younger brother. The only task he had given Frank was to take care of Lucja. He kneeled over to check on Lucja and saw that she was shivering. He placed his hand over her forehead to check her temperature. She was burning up. Just as he turned her face towards himself, he saw blood on her face and her neck. His heart stopped. He did not know what to do. The doctor over at the Gestapo base could help her. He was the only person in this godforsaken place who could. But he was a mean man. Christian carried Lucja on his back the entire way to the Gestapo base. Christian's coat was covered in blood. His sister had stopped coughing blood and was breathing raggedly. Her temperature was soaring. Oh what can he do? How will he save her? She was his responsibility now? He would do anything to save her, if only he knew what it was that he should do. The doctor was heavily drunk. He looked at the boy with the girl on his back. The girl was apparently spewing blood. He knew just from the looks of her that she had been ill for quiet a long time now and that he couldn't save her. Why not put the boy to some good use? He met the boy and agreed to save her sister on one condition. At 16, Christian was a grown up man. He had to do what he had to do. Christian picked up the receiver at the bakers shop near the Gestapo and made a phone call. He could not bear anyone knowing what he had just done. He then ran over to check his sister at the doctor's place. He stopped as he reached his door. Lucja, his dear Lucja, was lying at the door. What was the doctor doing? Why was she lying there out in the cold? Why was she not breathing? He knocked and knocked relentlessly at the door. There was no response. He kept knocking and after sometime he just stopped. He just sat there looking at his sister. The dawn came and Christian got up from the doctor's door. He was blank. He couldn't feel anything. He got up, looked at his sister one last time and left her there. He came back to his home, lay down on his bed and tried to go to sleep. Two days later, Christian sat near the Gestapo base, with a torn out piece of newspaper in his hands. The Gestapo had raided Mrs. Stoppleman's house and killed all the Jews hiding there. Anne was dead. The Gestapo was informed about the Jews' hideout by an anonymous phone call. Christian sat there staring at the newspaper in his hands. The air was biting cold. Just then the doctor came out flanked by two soldiers. Christian saw him. He felt the rage rise in him. He picked up a big stone and threw it at the doctor, shouting curses at him. The stone hit the doctor on his head. The soldier standing to the right of the doctor took a careful aim and shot the boy. At 16, Christian was a grown up man. He had to do what he had to do. Lying there in his pool of blood, Christian wondered why was he born at all? P.S. - The story is my first attempt at Historical fiction. The only truth in this story is the incidence of Anne Frank's death. The rest of it is just pure fiction.
Lying beside her on the bed he felt he was the luckiest man in the world. He adjusted himself and slowly removed his arm from under her head. It had gone numb but he did not mind it. He propped up on the pillow to face her directly and gently removed the curls of gorgeous red hair from her face. He smiled remembering the innumerable times he had heard her fuss about her wavy hair and each of those times he had told her they were perfect. She was perfect. She would always roll her eyes and purse her lips in exasperation and turn away from him but once, he thought he caught her smiling while turning away. Oh he loved her, he loved her so much and lying there beside her he almost choked on his own happiness.
He let his hands trace the contours of her face. She opened her eyes and smiled at him and he was born again.
She said to him - "Sir, your drink !!", in that lovely sweet baritone of hers...!!
Wait, something was not right. He looked into her eyes and then her smile and then into her eyes again - "Say that again".
"Sir, your drink !!", she said in that harsh baritone and suddenly he was in a bar at the counter and there was a man standing infront of him.
"Sir, your martini !!" said the man in that hateful repulsive baritone and he lost it. He wanted to throw the drink on the bartender's face. That damned man! and when he was having such a wonderful dream.
"That's not my drink.", he said through gritted teeth."I want it shaken not stirred !!".
The bartender looked at him, sighed, shook his head a little, shrugged his shoulders and took the drink back. He looked at the bartender, who the f**k did he think he was? He turned away from the bar, seething.
His eyes scanned the bar. He looked at his watch, it was time, she should have been here by now. He checked the day, it showed Wednesday today. He also checked the calendar stuck at the top of the wall behind the counter. It indeed was a Wednesday. Then why wasn't she here yet. For the past 3 months she was here every Wednesday and Sunday. He got worried, was she alright Was she sick? She looked fine this Sunday. She looked in good spirits as she sat at her usual table with her friend. Her friend! He scanned the bar for her. She wasn't in the bar too. He knew they both lived together. Should he try calling her friend? He had her friend's number. After all he had acquired her number after much pain for this very reason. Her table was still empty. He looked at the door again. What should he do? He was really worried for her now. She had never missed a Wednesday!! He took out his phone and started searching for the friend's number. Damn! he didn't remember her name!! What was it? He searched for it frantically and dialed two wrong numbers.
"Can I have two Grey Goose martini, stirred, up, with a twist?", said the soft, silky voice at the other end of the counter and he melted. She was here finally!! He turned to look at her. She caught his eyes and smiled. He quickly averted her eyes and started looking fixedly at the wall behind the counter.
"Sir, your martini, shaken not stirred.", said the bartender with a hint of amusement as he placed the drink infront of him. He involuntary turned towards her and saw her laughing. F**k.Was she laughing at him? Did she think he was another James Bond wannabe. The cursed bartender. He wanted to punch the man so hard.
The bartender brought her drinks. She collected them and walked back to her table. That was it. He will go to her table today and end the misery he had been for the past three months. He would tell her that he is not a James Bond fan and that he truly, madly, deeply loved her. To the extent that he had spent 3 hrs every Wednesday and Sunday at this bar just to catch a glimpse of her. He will walk up to her table today and no he will not be stopped. Come what may.
"You should give up. You don't have a chance with her.", said the bartender. He stood there, with both hands on the counter, looking at her. The bartender then looked at him, sighed, shook his head a little, shrugged his shoulders and went to attend to other customers.
He was frustrated. Who was this man to judge him. He stood up. Straightened his jacket. Picked up his drink and started moving resolutely to the girl's table. He will tell her today. Come what may. She was giggling with her friend. He moved closer to her table. He wanted to turn back, but he kept moving forward. He will tell her. She was in an animated conversation with her friend. He reached the table just infront of her table. He will tell her that she is his life. As he reached her table, her friend leaned in towards her and they kissed. He stopped. Looked at them. They kissed again. He stood there, frozen and blank. She noticed him and asked annoyingly - "Yes?"
He looked at her again. What the hell just happened? He turned back and came back to the counter. He needed to breathe.
"Told you, you did not have a chance.", the bartender said nonchalantly as he cleaned the counter. He looked at the bartender, took his drink in his hand.
"F**k you!!" he shouted as he threw the drink on the bartender's face. Immediately, the bouncers wrestled him out of the bar. He kept shouting "F**k you" at them.
She looked at him. What was wrong with these people she thought. And then she got lost in her girlfriend again.
The bartender looked at him being wrestled away. He looked at her still kissing. Then he sighed, shook his head a little, shrugged his shoulders and got back to making drinks.
What do you do, When the words are not enough? When you can think the words but not the meaning. When three words nor a thousand words can ever suffice, To pierce this unending numb blanket of silence. That is as much outside as it wraps and warps your inside. Permeating deep within becoming as much a part of you as life. Where do you start? How do you pierce this silence? How do you undo what's done? How do you go back the path you've covered, When you are struggling to even stand. Maybe the silence is there for a reason. Maybe you hesitate for a reason. The mind cannot fathom what the heart knows as true. But really, What do you do?
I completed my ToastMasters P4 speech this week. This was a memorable speech for me. The objective of P4 is - "How to say it", and I tried very hard to come up with a good speech satisfying this topic. I even tried converting my experience of cooking pasta into a speech however, the speech turned out as dreadful as the experience itself. In the end I decided to give a speech on a topic which is very close to my heart and which I have already addressed in the blog before. Here is the video and the speech. Please feel free to give me any feedback.
Why You Should Read Harry Potter
In the summer of 2006, I made one of the best and the worst
decisions of my life. It was that fateful time when I decided to finally give
in and read Harry Potter.
Good AfterNoon Fellow
ToastMasters and guests.
Why worst you ask? My relationship with Harry Potter is like
an addiction. I suffer from a self proclaimed Obsessive Compulsive Reading
Disorder. I invariably end up reading any one of the Harry Potter books every
other month. When I read these books I literally live in that magical world. I
remember reading the first 6 Harry Potter books over a span of a week and being
so lost in Harry’s magical world for a long time after that; that I kept on
blurting the spells from those books subconsciously. I vividly remember this
one instance. I was on my bike, speeding down a slope and was actually about to
crash into a car parked there. Instead of applying breaks I kept on repeating
“Impedimenta”, the spell to slow down moving objects. The crash still happened
though, one more realization of damned reality. Not only this, I kept trying to
scare away lizards with – “sssaayahaa
sssiheth”. Never mind that lizards weren’t snakes but their being reptiles,
was reason enough for me to practice my “Parseltongue”-
that’s snake language on them.
Yes, you are allowed to laugh/
mock/ ridicule me all you want, but for me it really is one of the best books
I’ve read.
What is it about these books that
is so enticing? Today I am here to answer that. I hope after listening to me
some of you decide to try these books. Now I sound like a salesman.
Aside from all the magic and the
promise of the uncharted, unknown and unforeseen, there are three main lessons
I learnt out of Harry Potter books.
Open Mindedness – This may sound ironical but once upon a time I
was among those people who used to hate all fantasy books treating them as
meant for children. But Harry Potter changed that. Not only did these books
force me to adopt an open mind and but also to not reject anything as downright
ridiculous. I noticed a very visible change in myself. I became more accepting
of other people’s views.
Team Work – The protagonist of these books, Harry Potter, is an
ordinary wizard. There is nothing exceptional about him at the outset, but even
then he manages to courageously confront and conquer all the hardships
presented before him. Harry manages to accomplish what he does because at each
and every step he has the support of his friends and loved ones. They tackle
each problem as a team making the best use of each other’s strengths and
compensating for each other’s weaknesses on the way.
Take Action -“It is our
choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” The
books may on the surface be about the more generic idea of good vs. evil and an
orphan boy’s taking up the mantle against evil. However it is the importance of
these words that the author J.K. Rowling chooses to emphasize through the
actions of her protagonists and host of other characters that make the books
what they are. I for one can vouch for this. I had been contemplating joining
Orators ToastMasters club since early 2011 but one fine day I decided to join
it and today I am standing infront of you. You can see for yourself the change
in me because I chose to act.
Magic, kudos to J.K. Rowling for
plucking at that chord in all our hearts, for deep within don’t we all want to
believe that it really does exist? Haven’t we at some point or other in our
lives wished for a miracle or a magical solution for all our problems? But
Harry Potter books are much more than just magic. Not only does J.K. Rowling
force us to abandon our predefined notions of what is acceptable but she also
makes her characters impress upon us the importance of teamwork and converting our
thoughts into actions.
So take a chance and read Harry
Potter. Who knows maybe someday you may be giving the exact same speech as me.
P.S. - This was the first time I gave a speech in another ToastMasters club. I give my sincerest thanks to the HoneyWell ToastMasters club, for hosting me and making the environment very comfortable for me. It did not occur to me for one moment that I was giving a speech in another club.
My evaluator, Mr. Murajith Menon helped me a great deal his insightful evaluation.
Dekhiye to lagta hai, zindagi ki raahon mein, aik bheer chalti hai, sochiye to lagta hai, bheer mein hain sab tanha,
Jitne bhi yeh rishte hain, kaanch ke khilone hain, pal mein toot sakte hain, aik pal mein ho jaye, kon jaane kab tanha! Dekhiye to lagta hai, jaise yeh jo duniya hai, kitni rangeen mehfil hai, sochiye to lagta hai, kitna gham hai duniya mein, kitna zakhmi her dil hai.
Woh jo muskurate thay, to kisi ko khuwabon mein, apne paas paate thay, unki neend tooti hai, aur hain woh ab tanha! P.S. - One of my absolute favourites by Javed Akhtar.
I finally managed to deliver and clear my P3 today. After the disaster that was my last speech, I was really nervous before delivering this speech. More so because the another speaker, Mrinal was delivering his P10 today.Let me put in a word for Mrinal, an absolutely mesmerizing speaker. He has the capability to grab your attention and take you on an emotional ride with his words. I have never heard someone like him before in person. So you can realize what a nervous wreck I was, when I was walking to the podium. I was invariably gonna be pitted against this stalwart speaker, but as Randy Pausch says in "The Last Lecture"- "Brick walls are not there to stop you. They are there for you to climb over". I took a deep breath and delivered my P3 to much applause and appreciation. Here is my P3 speech for those interested. As always any and all reviews are more than welcome -
The Aero - Drama
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players”
One fine day while I was reading Shakespeare’s “As You Like
It” on board a flight, I was intrigued by what Mr. Shakespeare had just
proposed and decided to test his hypothesis and try to identify what characters
do people play. But due to the humble origins of my brain and my limited access
to the vast resource called “Intelligence” very much unlike Mr. Shakespeare, I
had to settle for a much smaller sample of available test subjects – the people
on the airport. On that fateful day my friends, I created, consolidated and
coined the “Aero Drama”.
Good Afternoon my fellow Toast Masters and guests.
There is a nervous energy around these
people and they are either at the verge of tears or are ready to snap back
because they are either too late or too early.
2)The Young Adults: These are the people
who are now accustomed to the general routine of the airport. You will see them
going around the airport as if it is their daily business and with a perpetual
smirk on their faces. What is really
noticeable though is the way their faces contort in disdain when they see the
newborns uh! Despicable species them newborns. So to avoid any such
confrontation these people are mostly seen spending their time at the various
shops at the airport. Nothing seems to ruffle their feathers except a flight
delay/cancellation announcement, a foreigner or the rumor of a celebrity
landing on the airport. On one occasion I had just arrived at the airport, and
found the entire place in mayhem. Rumor was that Priyanka Chopra had landed on
the Bangalore airport for a hush-hush soiree with her friends. Poor Newborns
were just left crying as the Young Adults went berserk.
3)The Old Observer: In my opinion this is the classiest and the
most dangerous category of characters at the airport. These are experienced
veterans having earned their fare share of King Fisher miles, though of what
use they are now only they can tell. Nothing seems to have any effect on them
as they have seen it all and then some more. You will mostly find them
carefully observing each and every nuance of people on the airport from behind
their laptops, their Victorian classic romances or while pretending to doze
off. Nothing misses their eye, talk about taking a leaf out of Sherlock Holmes.
This is the category that is the most interesting and terrifying at the same
time. They give you that creepy feeling on the back of your neck when you are
being watched.
If you look at them closely
enough, the characters of “Aero Drama” though specific to the airport bear a
more than general resemblance to the characters we encounter in our everyday
lives. We can all identify some aspects of “The NewBorns”, “The Young Adults”
and “The Old Observer” in people we meet everyday.Well-“All men and woman merely players”, Mr. Shakespeare rightly said.
Hypothesis hence proved.
So the next time you are at the
airport try identifying these characters for yourself and see which one are
you. And for those of you trying to guess which character am I? well I wrote the
speech, go figure.
P.S. - I got a video recorded. Will post the link here as soon as I have it. I added a lot of anecdotes at the spur of the moment and changed the order of a few of the ones mentioned here.
Here is my P3 ToastMaster's speech. It didn't really go as planned. For once I forgot my speech mid way and was forced to look at my notes. From there it was a road downhill. I made a lot of mistakes which I would have otherwise avoided and my voice modulation was not at all as I had practiced Might be because of my lack of confidence due to my initial blunder.
Many thanks to my fellow ToastMasters especially my evaluator Suman, for their encouraging feedback and also for telling me my shortcomings. I am planning to give this speech again after incorporating their comments.
What's in a Face?
“Nice to put a face to a name.” It’s a phrase that we hear
very frequently and which probably makes sense socially but think about it –
professionally? I reckon in the work environment, this phrase is at least a
decade past its expiry date. Good Afternoon fellow ToastMasters and guests.
All right so it might be mildly satisfying to find out how
your colleague in the US looks like when all you know about him/her is through
emails or phones. Nice, yes in the same way you get a clue right in a
crossword. But essential? I would beg to differ. Let me tell you a few reasons
why.
For a start, not meeting removes all manner of possible
discrimination on the basis of age, gender, weight, looks or even the clothes.
Operate mainly by phone or email rather than in person and you are more likely
to be judged on the value of your work and not on the firmness of your
handshake, the stiffness of your shirt and a 100 other visual nuances that help
people form the much valued – “first impression”. Tell me who are you more
likely to do business with – a shabbily dressed man with bright orange hair,
green side burns and a perpetual drool on his face or an immaculately dressed
fashionista? It would require a considerable effort on part of the former to
convince you of his skills even if you somehow manage to get past that
appearance.
Perhaps the most valuable contribution of remote working to
the corporate world and to human kind in general is in reducing those awful
meetings. Of course, we now have to endure more conference calls, but the sunny
side is that everyone wants to get them over with as quickly as possible rather
than the face to face meetings which drone on and on. You are no longer forced
to take your clients or bosses for lunch and pretend to be friendly. It is way
easier on the company’s resources and your mental faculties to just talk to
them on phone. You can still be effective and create a personal link in a lot
less time. And if they are a bit rude, opinionated you can choose to rise above
– quite literally, well that is if they are not sitting in front of you. You
can always choose to stand up and take the call. It gives you an extra bit of
confidence over the other person.
The benefits of working over emails cannot be overestimated.
When you are involved in negotiations over fees, one side will often feel
cornered. But not so over the email, where each party has considerable time to
think over their replies and come up with all the supporting data to
corroborate their arguments. There are far less chances of things getting ugly,
trust me. And what about when your manager sends you an umpteenth email asking
you to go over a 100 page report that you have already gone through and found
no error. In person, it would take an extremely strong minded person to not
snap back or at least show his frustration. But over the emails you can always
say – “Sure, will have a look and get back to you.” You can still curse all you
want but he doesn’t have to know.
This is not to say
that face - to - face communication is not useful anymore. Of course when you
are brainstorming perhaps or when you are just more comfortable expressing
yourself in person. But if working remote means
improved cash flow for the organization, less time spent in travel and
meetings and fewer interpersonal conflicts, then maybe the secret of success
today is keeping as low a profile as possible or not putting a face to a name.
P.S. - Inspired by a post from Reader's Digest Oct'2012.
Some shared moments, Some cherished memories, A few hearty laughs, And a few idiosyncrasies, Is all that you can glean from the time you spent away. And then the curtains fall, The candle snubbed and darkness prevails. Smoky eyes and a misty face Is all that remains. Some shared moments, Some cherished memories, And then the curtains fall. You realize it is already too late... P.S. - Dedicated to my late friend Vivek whose untimely demise has left us all baffled. Time may have drifted us apart "Bhoyaa" but you will always be remembered and missed. It is true that the only true gift you can ever give a person is your time and I am privileged and honored to have been gifted with your time.
I managed to deliver my Project 2 speech for ToastMasters today. I have to thank my blog for writing this speech as three posts that I had published way back on this very blog were the foundations of this speech. I am still not sure how I managed to garner good reviews for this as I had not been keeping well for the past two days before delivering this speech. I guess it helps if you read your speech for over 20 times and create a mental picture of all your gestures and expressions in your mind. Anyways this time I got my fellow ToastMasters to record my speech and here is the video.
As always any reviews and comments are welcome. Here is the speech in written -
WHAT’S STOPPING YOU?
He
was suffocating. The room was filled with pitch black darkness. He was
desperate for fresh air. He moved to the only small hole in the door and put
his mouth to it to suck in air, but it wasn't enough. It was as if the walls
all around him were closing in on him. He clasped the door knob and tried to
force the door open but to no avail. It was as if the entire vitality in the
world was against him, forcing him back in the room and he was losing the fight
and the will. He was suffocating, the key, he had to find the key. He panicked,
he had searched for it before, he couldn't find it and now he was afraid, afraid
of going away from the hole, afraid that he'd lose his only breath. No he would
not leave it, he'll cling to it. Damn that elusive key.
Good
Afternoon! Ladies and gentlemen.
Dreams, we hear so much about them. How many
of us sitting in this room are living their dreams or are at least working
towards achieving them? How many of us haven’t felt the fear of that
claustrophobic man but still refuse to find the key? Let me ask you a very
simple question “What’s Stopping You?” Take a moment to reflect on the question.
Meanwhile, I will help you identify the three main doors behind which the
answer hides. Again I cannot deem to answer this question for you, I can merely
make a suggestion and leave you to ponder and discover the answer for yourself.
“What
If?” isn’t this, the biggest dilemma we all face? This is the first door. What
if you fail? What if you reach out your hand and all that comes in your grasp
is thin air? A wise man, in this session itself once told me, that the ideal
attitude for succeeding in life is 30% optimism and 70% pessimism. Yes, think
before you act but don’t let the uncertainty of the result weigh down your determination.
You can’t control how the chips fall into place so stop fretting and take the
plunge. Sometimes it helps to not worry over the repercussions. This in no way
means that if your dream is to bungee jump or sky dive, you don’t take the
necessary precautions. Remember you are no Tom Cruise and this isn’t Mission
Impossible.
It
is often said that we live our lives not as we want them to be but as others
perceive them to be. Yes friends, it is the mighty public opinion – the second
door. There is a cartoon floating around on facebook these days. It depicts two
rotund, overweight people, a male and a female, sitting atop a feeble donkey
and enjoying what seems like a safari, when they come across a group of people
who remark – “Oh! Two people on a donkey’s back!! What sadists.” The female
gets down the donkey and they continue. Seeing them thus, another group remarks
– “How cruel!! He is letting his wife walk!!”. Now the man gets down the donkey
and offers the seat courteously to the woman. They had only gone a few meters
when another group jests – “Look, he is letting his wife ride. Who is the
boss!!”. Fed up both the man and the woman decide to walk beside the donkey,
their safari now being entirely ruined when they hear – “Fools!! They have a
donkey and they are walking”. Hearing this, the man starts pulling his hair out
and the woman starts crying.
Well
this satire on our society is absolutely true. No matter what you do, you
cannot please everyone. So why even bother? There are always going to be people
who criticize you for the sheer audacity you displayed by doing what you want,
just because you had the guts and they didn’t. They still analyze and criticize
Mahatma Gandhi for something he did when he was alive. He has been dead for
over 60 years and they still won’t give up.
And
now we come to the third door. We are
all pretty familiar with the following excuses – “I have responsibilities,
kids, wife, parents” or “I am too old now” or “Is it worth the risks” and still
better “I am comfortable here and good at it, so why change”. Well, I’ll only
add – You are never too old to start living, unless you take the risk you will
never know and nothing great is ever achieved without sacrifices.
This
brings us back to point zero. Answer
this – What or rather Who is Stopping You? Who is it that has caged himself
behind walls of inadequacy and worthless excuses?
If
you have realized the answer, If you have found the key, then let yourself free
of those shackles. Break your cage and set stride on your empyreal flight for
sky is the limit.
fly afar o! little one, rest not under the scorching sun.. till there is air in your wings, scale the
sky.. fly..fly..fly...
I gave my Project 1 speech for ToastMasters today. For people who do not know what ToastMaster is all about, they should definitely visit the link - http://www.toastmasters.org/ at least once. I am happy that I got to be a part of Toast Masters as every session is a unique learning experience for me. Not only do I get the privilege of talking to like minded people but also get to learn a lot from each and every one of them. Talking about my P1 experience, it was really great. Even though I am not new to public speaking, having participated in a lot of debates/elocution contests in school, yet I still could feel my stomach churning right till the moment my name was called. As I walked to the podium, I could feel my legs shaking and had to take the support of the table placed infront of me just to maintain my calm. But as I started and went on I became more comfortable and began enjoying my speech. I knew, I got this. For interested people here is my ToastMasters P1 speech. I know there is a lot of scope for improvement and although I have completed P1, I'd still welcome any and all reviews.
Project 1 (Introduction Speech)
“No Regrets, One life to live” is my motto for life. I
believe in living in the moment and doing whatever I want to do at that moment.
I am always on the lookout for learning something new. Good Afternoon Toast
masters and friends.
I am Ankit Rastogi, from Meerut, U.P. I am an only engineer
born into a family of doctors. I completed my B.E Computer Science from BITS
Pilani. I am an amalgamation of values and experiences accumulated from living
in a lot of cities all over India. Till now I have never stayed in a city for
more than 4 years. Maybe that is why I have an inherent wanderlust, a thirst
for adventure and a curiosity to know different cultures and people. It’s
either that, or my dislike for cricket which makes me run from place to place.
God has a wicked sense of humor. So he decides to make me an Indian, born into
a family of cricket maniacs, in a place like Meerut where cricket is the way of
life, blesses me with terrible – terrible hand eye coordination and just for the
heck of it, decides that yours truly shall abhor cricket. Seriously!! Are you
kidding me? You cannot imagine what I have to go through everyday. Well I have
managed to live 24 years with it, I suppose I can manage another 24 hopefully.
One thing, however I am grateful to be blessed with is my
love for reading. I vividly remember reading Pride and Prejudice, an innocent
kid in 5th standard and not understanding a word of it. It was sometime
later and with some experience and lost innocence, I realized the reason for
this. Jane Austen was a girl. Anyways, it created in me a passion for words and
gave fuel to my imagination. I must admit that this child like passion still
exists in me every time I pick up a new book. I suffer from self proclaimed
Obsessive Compulsive Reading Disorder. Not only do I read feverishly but for
the duration of the book, I live in that world. I can recall this one incidence
when I was still reading the Harry Potter series where instead of applying my
bicycle brakes before colliding head first with a car, I kept on repeating
“Impedimenta”, “Impedimenta”. For Harry Potter illiterates, this is a spell to
slow down a moving object. But this being damned reality, the bicycle didn’t
slow down obviously and I still met with the accident.
I cannot complete my introduction without discussing about
my passion for teaching. I started teaching underprivileged kids as a part of
NGO called Nirmaan during my time at BITS Pilani, and it is this experience
above all else that makes me who I am. I learnt more from those kids and from
teaching them what little I could, than I have learnt from anything else till
now. “Joi de Vivre” – I learnt the true meaning of this phrase from those kids.
Even if they didn’t know where there next meal was coming from, they never gave
up on smiling. My best accomplishment till now is teaching one of them how to
write his name. I am currently working for Samarthanam an organization for
disabled children.
To sum up, I am a reader, a poet, a thinker, a renegade, a
philanthropist and in the future I want to add a social entrepreneur and an
established writer to this list. I am enjoying being all that I am.
The past is past, the
future is ..but the present.. And living in the moment is all I have.. So let me fill this moment, With all the vibrant shades.. For the dots are mine, as are the colours And as are the choices I make.
On this note, I’ll take my leave. Hopefully you know me a
bit better.
P.S. - Although this in essence is the speech I delivered, I made quite a few Impromptu changes and additions in the speech, just to engage my audience even more.
One fine day I logged into my Goodreads account, out of the
blue, and was surprised at the number of books I have read till now – over 120
(which is quite a lot ‘cause I keep reading the same book multiple times – I’ve
read Pride and Prejudice over 14 times * now). That’s pretty huge coming from
me even though I suffer from a self proclaimed Obsessive Compulsive Reading
Disorder (hence referred to as OCRD).
Anyway, it was on this day that I
decided to embark upon the tiresome task of compiling a list of 5 best books
I’ve read so far. The list is done now, finally, but it was the process that
really intrigued me. As I kept on going over the list adding/deleting names,
arguing fervently with myself over the merits of each, one name however
remained constant. This is a name which I have often had to justify to a lot of
my friends who I made privy to my list.
Well the name is Harry Potter.
Yes the entire series and not one in particular. Yes, you are allowed to laugh/
mock/ ridicule me all you want, but for me it really is one of the best books
I’ve read.
I remember reading the first 6 Harry
Potter books over a span of a week (hence the claim for OCRD) and being so lost
in Harry’s magical world for a long time after that, that I kept on blurting the
spells from those books subconsciously. I vividly remember this one instance
where I was on my bike, speeding down a slope and was actually about to crash
into a car parked there and instead of applying breaks I kept on repeating
“Impedimenta” (the crash still happened though, one more realization of damned reality).
Not only this, I kept trying to scare away lizards with – “sssaayahaa sssiheth”. Never mind that lizards weren’t snakes but
their being reptiles, was reason enough for me to practice my “Parseltongue” (for Harry Potter
illiterates – that’s snake language) on them.
I know, a lot of Harry Potter
fans will vouch for similar experiences, but the fact is, these developments
were very important for me. I considered myself a mature reader then (a
laughable and debatable thought now), having read Ayn Rand’s - “The
Fountainhead” and “Atlas Shrugged” multiple times – and an ardent believer in
her theory of “objectivism”. I had first brushed off the Harry Potter books as “kiddish”.
These developments were, let’s just put it mildly - enlightening.
So what was it about these books
that made me change my outlook? Was it the spells? the characters? The myriad
fantasy creatures? Of course yes!! But I had read and admired Lord of the Rings
long before I read Harry Potter books so it is safe to say that this world
wasn’t new (and Mr. Harry Potter had mighty big shoes to fit in and so did J.K.
Rowling). When I think about it, it wasn’t so much the magic, that enchanted me
but the subtle links to reality and the way the author chose to establish them that
really pulled me in.
Magic, kudos to J.K. Rowling for
plucking at that chord in all our hearts, for deep within don’t we all want to
believe that it really does exist? Haven’t we at some point or other in our
lives wished for a miracle or a magical solution for all our problems? Harry
lives in that world. And you know what the best part is – neither he nor any of
the other great stalwart wizards have a magical solution to his “Voldemort”
issues. This is why I love J.K. Rowling’s books. On one side there is the
promise of magic, the unknown and unforeseen and at the same time, the
realities of life still pretty much remain the same. Pretty much because we
still find descriptions of love potion, immortality etc. (Oh come on! it is a
world of wizardry and it has to make some impossible things possible by magic!).
“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than
our abilities.”These words from
Dumbledore truly form the gist of Harry Potter. The books may on the surface be
about the more generic idea of good vs. evil and an orphan boy’s taking up the
mantle against evil. However it is the importance of these words that Rowling
chooses to emphasize through the actions of her protagonists and host of other
characters that make the books what they are. Harry for instance never had
enough to eat, was made to wear his cousin’s old clothes and in general was
maltreated by the Dursleys. However, at the first opportunity he had, he chose
to share whatever he could afford with Ron, a stranger he had just met (Book 1).
It would have been perfectly understandable if he chose not to but he didn’t.
There are multiple such incidents spread across all the books like when Harry
had the choice to get Peter Petigrew killed for betraying his parents resulting
in their death, but he chose not to(Book 3). Or when he chose to share
information about the dragon test in the Triwizard tournament with another
rival because he only thought it fair (Book 4) and last but not the least he
named his son Albus Severus Potter choosing to acknowledge the contribution and
sacrifices of Severus Snape (one of the most hated characters, well until the
end of Book 7) in his victory. These are many of the various such incidents
that left an indelible mark upon me. No discussion about Harry potter would be
complete without Ron and Hermoine. These two characters epitomize the meaning
of true friendship. They made several choices throughout the story choosing to
stick with their friend through thick and thin even if it meant risking their
lives. I mean erasing all your memories from your parents’ minds is a pretty
big sacrifice and shows the strength of the character. However again, it was
Hermoine’s choice to do this and it would have been understandable if she didn’t.
So in essence, Rowling talks
about all the things that would tug at your heart and would definitely
establish an emotional connect between you and the characters, love, kindness,
friendship, loyalty, but it is the choices she has her protagonists make to
demonstrate these traits that really pull you in. I mean even her protagonist
is not an extraordinarily gifted wizard. He manages to come out the winner from
all the situations because he is helped and supported by the people who love
him. Tell me how many of us have not depended upon the strength of someone we
love in times of distress? And Rowling chooses to emphasize this fact that
however difficult the times may be, you can handle them with your loved ones on
your side.
So yes, I love Harry Potter
books, the characters, the magic, the world, but most of all I love that even though
they are all wizards, they are still humans.
* I say over because I have read the end innumerable times.
P.S. - I am back :)
P.P.S - This post has been long in the making. But I couldn't help it.Every time I started working on it, I ended up reading the books or watching the movies again. So in the end today I just decided to get it out of the pipeline. So the post might feel a little rushed towards the end.
LO! my friend ..I am on.. set my boots firmly on, let's see whereto this road gets.. what new days, the journey begets...
On this note began my affair with this "not all is lost". We've had an on and off relationship of sorts. Well frankly, me and my infidelity is to be blamed for this. This blog has been my faithful companion in times of melancholy & distress, whereas has remained woefully forgotten in happier times. I think that is unfair and hence I have reached the decision to discontinue this blog. I'll miss it.
Maybe in the future I'll continue this blog or start a new one or maybe just return to the comforts of my good old diary. But for now it is time to bid farewells.. Sayonara... Love you and Miss you...
P.S. - To all my reader (if any) love you and miss you too.
Some events transpired today which immediately brought this poem to my mind and also Michael Oher's essay on the same from the movie "The Blind Side". Poem - http://www.nationalcenter.org/ChargeoftheLightBrigade.html Here's the essay - “Courage is a hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake, but you’re not supposed to question adults, or your coach, or your teacher because they make the rules. Maybe they know best but maybe they don’t. It all depends on who you are, where you come from. Didn’t at least one of the six hundred guys think about giving up and joining with the other side? I mean, Valley of Death, that’s pretty salty stuff. That’s why courage is tricky. Should you always do what others tell you to do? Sometimes you might not even know why you’re doing something. I mean, any fool can have courage. But honor, that’s the real reason you either do something or you don’t. It’s who you want to be. If you die trying for something important then you have both honor and courage and that’s pretty good. I think that’s what the writer was saying; that you should try for courage and hope for honor. And maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some, too.” One of my very close friends, taught me the actual meaning of these words to me today. Until now I was living in an illusion I had created for myself, but hearing him brought me back to reality. I know it is going to be a tough road ahead for you, but I will always be by your side. Thank you for showing me the true meaning of both Courage and Honour. You are both personified and it has been a privilege to be your friend.
P.S. - Thanks Hostel. You were right. I'll always remember today's lunch but for very different reasons.
Read this somewhere - "At some point of time you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life"... I think I get it...somehow I do..
This has been my biggest weakness and the biggest dilemma of my life. What if things don't shape up the way you want them to be? What if all your hopes and dreams come crashing down? What if all that comes in your grasp is thin air?
I wonder why I can't just let things be, let the chips fall into place. Why do I have to go around in circles? Why can't I just take the plunge? Who the hell cares anyway. But.....What If....
Thursday, August 4, 2011
And this is how it all begun, No battles fought, no battles won, No blood offered at verge of blade, For all it was, was his own crusade, To find the one who owned his life, To find the one who lost her life.
The wheel of time as it turns, With each new age, new legends it churns. Of heroes brave and gallant and strong, Of star-crossed lovers and love forlorn. But seldom has the wheel spun a tale so blazing, that put to shame the mighty sun.
PS: Its just somthing i conjured up. Don't know where it goes, no idea...I hadn't posted for quite long now and didn't want this to become a habit...
This is an anonymous comment I recieved on one of my posts - Killing Osama .
To reciprocate/spread the pain among other humans caused to oneself is the most natural thing to do for someone who's brain primarily works on animal instincts. it takes a certain level of maturity and understanding of human nature to absorb the pain and anger and still be willing to forgive. it is only because of this nature that human species has survived this long. you write big things but fail to understand the core Highly disappointed and shattered.
I appreciate the sentiments and admire the thoughtfulness. However here's my pov - @Anon : Thanks for the analysis. I must admit that the post displays more savagery and raw emotions towards the end and certainly unmindful and wrong thoughts, but just one question - what kind of forgiveness do you expect and to what end ? I would love to be naive enough to believe that forgiveness might actually bring about a change of heart, but sadly I am not. So yes I advocate not killing Osama, but I think some deeds can neither be forgiven nor forgotten.
